Gold Star Families carry their loved ones forward

By: Navy Federal Credit Union | September 22 2026

The call no family is prepared for

The news came years apart and under different circumstances, but for Christine Rutledge and Amber Sax, it marked the beginning of a journey neither family ever expected to take. As Gold Star spouses, both women understand the loss of a Servicemember extends far beyond a single moment. 

Today, as Navy Federal Credit Union employees, they carry the memories of their husbands, Randy Rutledge and Capt. John Sax, with them every day. Their stories are different, but they share a common thread among many Gold Star Spouses: finding a way to move forward while preserving a loved one’s legacy and leaning on trusted support when it mattered most.

When news of a military aircraft crash broke, Amber’s first response was to pray for the crew and cling to the hope that her husband was not among those aboard. Six months pregnant with the couple’s second daughter, she spent the day waiting for answers.

Nine hours later, four of her husband’s fellow Marines and a Navy chaplain knocked on her door to deliver the news.

John, an aviator with the U.S. Marine Corps, died during a pre-deployment training mission near the family's home in Southern California. Four other brave Marines also lost their lives that day: Capt. Nicholas Losapio, Cpl. Nathan Carlson, Cpl. Seth Rasmuson and Lance Cpl. Evan Strickland.

Christine’s loss came under different circumstances but brought many of the same challenges. After nearly 35 years of marriage, she lost her husband, Randy, a highly respected MH-53 Pave Low gunner with the 20th Special Operations Squadron, to a rare adrenal cancer linked to environmental exposures during his military service.

For both women, grief quickly collided with responsibility. There were arrangements to navigate, paperwork to complete, finances to manage and families depending on them for stability.

“Actually, the whole year was a whole fog. If somebody would’ve told me that, I’d have never, ever believed them. I couldn't even tell you day-to-day what I did,” Christine said.

The practical challenges were significant, but so was the emotional adjustment.

“I had to get a reality check that nobody was going to take care of me but me,” she added.

Finding strength in community and support

In the months following the loss of their husbands, Amber and Christine learned that grief doesn’t pause life’s responsibilities. What helped them navigate this new reality was the support of people who understood what they were experiencing and showed up when they needed it most.

For Amber, the morning after learning of John’s death, she called a coworker at Navy Federal.

“The next morning when I woke up, I called one coworker at Navy Federal and said, ‘It was John. I need you to notify our team, and I don’t know when I’ll be back.’”

That one call activated a network of support. 

“The team started paperwork for me. They let everyone know I’d be out. They got coverage for everything on my desk. And they just told me, ‘Take care of your family.’”

Knowing her job was secure allowed Amber to focus on grieving, caring for her daughter and preparing for the birth of their second child.

“I knew I was okay. I knew Navy Federal would know what to do. I know that my job would be safe, and I could focus on what was right in front of me.”

Christine found similar comfort following Randy’s passing. 

“My supervisor checked in on me once a week at least. But it was never, ‘When are you coming back to work?’  She was always making sure I was handling everything okay.”

For both women, support wasn’t about eliminating grief. It was about having a community that made the burden lighter and allowed them to focus on healing and family.

Honoring their legacy through service and purpose

For Christine and Amber, honoring their husbands means ensuring their stories continue to be told.

“The first thing is I want people to know his name,” Amber said. “They die when they physically leave the earth, but they also die when someone says their name for the last time.”

Today, she shares stories about John with their daughters and carries his legacy forward through family traditions and an aviation scholarship foundation established in his honor.

Christine has taken a similar approach to Randy’s memory.

“We talk about him a lot. We talk about some of his quirks and words he used to say,” she said.

His influence continues through future generations. Christine’s granddaughter carries Randy’s name as her middle name, and stories shared by former Servicemembers revealed his lasting impact.

“Your dad saved my life three times,” one former pilot told her children.

While both women are proud of their husbands’ military accomplishments, they hope their families remember something deeper than rank or awards.

“Service encompassed John. He always looked for opportunities to lift others up, and he saw the good in everybody,” said Amber.

Amber and Christine also found purpose in serving others. Amber describes her work and involvement with Navy Federal’s military community as a way to channel grief into something meaningful.

“My grief needed a place to go,” she said. “Turning the pain into a sense of purpose and being able to have an impact on others has been very healing for me.”

Christine’s experiences have similarly shaped the way she supports military families, Veterans and members facing difficult circumstances.

“When I truly say those words, ‘I understand,’ I’m not saying that as lip service. I understand.”

Looking ahead

Today, Amber and Christine define resilience not as moving on from loss, but as learning to move forward with it.

“You don’t move on. You move forward, and you move forward with them alongside you,” said Amber.

She encourages other Gold Star spouses to find ways to transform grief into purpose, service or community involvement.

“Living fully is the way you honor them. You’re living for them now,” she added.

Christine hopes her children and grandchildren continue to live the values Randy embodied: service, integrity, determination and love of family.

Her advice to other surviving spouses is simple:

“Don’t give up. Have faith and hope. And persevere.”

She also encourages people to seek support when they need it.

“If you need someone to talk to, find somebody who will talk to you unconditionally and let you just be you,” Christine added.

For Gold Star Families, loss is not a chapter that ends. Surviving spouses and families continue navigating through grief, changing identities and the responsibility of carrying a loved one’s legacy forward.

For Christine Rutledge and Amber Sax, their stories are a reminder that behind every Gold Star Family is a legacy worth remembering and a community capable of making a difference.